Death Note: Madness
by Nightingale13
Summary: Just a collection of random Author/Death Note cast banter.  Done in an effort to demolish my art block.  Just for giggles   Rated T, for the sake of Mello.
1. Part 1

No. Seriously though, I am so STUCK on EVERYTHING, that I figured I should post this old thing to let you guys now that I yet live~

Enjoy?

**Me: Alright gaiz, I just figured a whole story of just random funny stuff would cheer EVERYONE up~**

**Matt: OOOO WHAT ARE WE DOING?**

**Mello: Please tell me it's not something gay…**

**Me: Well, unless you want to take ALL the DN character... and lock them in a room…**

**Matt: Does that include Shinigami?**

**Me: OFCOURSE.**

**Mello and Matt: AH HAIL NAH.**

**Me: Fine, then no. Nothing gay.**

**Mello: PRAISE GAWD.**

**Near: Your spelling is atrocious. **

**Mello: SHUT UP.**

**Matt: Well…**

**Mello: SHUT UP.**

**Me: Alright kids, calm yo TIPS.**

**Matt: Tips?**

**Me: Well, I'm typing on my mom's computer… I don't want her to see this and think I'm one messed up thirteen year old...**

**Mello: Too late.**

**Me: OHSHUSH.**

**Matsuda: CAN WE GET STARTED? :D**

**Matt: LET'S GET IT STARTED IN HERE~**

**Me: And thus, the nightmare continues…**

**Mello: Tell me about it.**

**L: I'm here, and I bear gifts!**

**Me: L, that's cake.**

**L: Exactly.**

**Me: *facepalm***

**Matt: So, when do we start? :D?**

**Me: Well, since I'm very lazy, I figured THIS could be the story.**

**Mello: What, do you have something better to do?**

**Me: No, not really.**

**Matt: THAT MEANS SHE LOVES US.**

**Mello: Oh boy?**

**Me: No Mello, I HATE YOU.**

**Mello: EVEN BETTER.**

**Me: WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO? *Runs and hides in corner***

**Matt: AH MELLO. YOU MADE MAH WIFE HIDE IN A CORNER.**

**Mello: Oh noes.**

**Me: *yells from corner* YOU SUCK. **

**Mello: Again, oh noes.**

**Me: YOU SUCK MATT.**

**Mello:…**

**Matt: Since when?... **_**ladies~**_

**Akane: OH HAIL NAW.**

**Me: WHO LET HER IN?**

**Akane: WHO LET YOU MARRY MAH MAN?**

**Akiko: ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME**

**Akane: WTF?**

**Akiko: What? If I have to be paired with Mello, you can handle "Sharing" Matt!**

**Matt: **_**ladies~**_

**Mello: I get paired with Akiko?**

**Me: *comes out of corner* More than likely. Unless I decide to make her forever alone…**

**Akiko: Well Mello isn't…. THAT bad.**

**Mello: Yeah thanks, Love you to.**

**Akiko: Could you at LEAST wear MEN'S clothes.**

**Mello: BUT I'M SO SEXY.**

**Akiko: Be that as it may, the leather HAS to go.**

**Me: Yeah, you TELL him Akiko~**

**Akane: SHUT UP MAN STEALER.**

**Matt: OOO~ Girl fight~… **_**Ladies~**_

**Me: Oh shut up Akane! I created you! YOU'RE LIKE MY DAUGHTER.**

**Akane:… So that makes Matt my.., DAD?**

**Me: …ew. Maybe not then.**

**Akane: I DUN'T WANNA MAKE OUT WITH MY DAD.**

**Me: OH JUST SHUT UP.**

**Matt: YEAH YOU TELL HER!**

**Akane: OH SO NOW YOUR OWN HER SIDE!**

**Matt: … She has the censor button… D:**

**Akane: ?**

**Me: YES. FEAR THE CENSOR BUTTON.**

**Akane: Pfft, that's like telling me to *CENSOR* Mello!**

**Me, Matt, and Mello:.. WHAT?**

**Akiko: AH HAIL NAW BIOTCH. YOU CAN'T STEAL MY MAN!**

**Akane: I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.**

**Akiko: *tackles Akane***

**Me: Well, while they kill each other, how about a word from our L!**

**L: The cake is not a lie.**

**Me: And that was a word from our L~**

**Matt: Didn't you promise Matsuda he could do that?**

**Me: I sent Matsuda out for kittens.**

**Mello: ..Why?**

**Me: Because~**

**Mello: Do I want to know?**

**Me: Do you like cats?**

**Mello: I don't like small animals.**

**Me: Then never mind.**

**Matsuda: *runs in with a basket of kittens* I FOUND THE ITTY BITTY KITTY COMITEE~**

**Me:… You mean that one internet meme?**

**Matsuda: YUS.**

**Me: Ohmaigawd love.**

**Matt: Kittens… do they have to do with video games?**

**Me: I wish.**

**Mello: You should take that as a no, Mattie boy.**

**Akiko: *waltzes back into the room* HAI GAIZ!**

**Me: Did you eat Akane?**

**Akiko: …**

**Mello: Well Well, Mattie is girlfriend… less**

**Me: Is that even a word?**

**Mello: It came out of my mouth didn't it?**

**Matt: Well s***. There goes my girlfriend… OHWELL. I ALWAYS HAVE MARIO!**

**Me: Mario is a fat man in a red suit.**

**Matsuda: SCANDOLOUS.**

**Me: Right, scandalous. **

**Matt: I think I just peed myself.**

**Me: Why?**

**Matt: *Show's me a text message from Akane***

**Akane's Message: NO. Akiko didn't eat me. But I'm naked~**

**Me: No Matt, I believe the term is "Jizzed in my pants"**

**Matt: NO. I mean, she scaresss me D:**

**Me: Why?**

**Matt: … She's VICIOUS.**

**Mello: AHA YOUR GIRLFRIEND SUCKS.**

**Me: Mello, Akiko hates chocolate.**

**Mello: WHAT?**

**Akiko: LIES! ALL LIES!**

**Me: I should know. I created you.**

**Mello: OHGAWD I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT YOU.**

**Matt: Wow, two relationships came crashing down, AT ONCE. **

**Me: *fist pumps* JERRY JERRY JERRY JERRY!**

**Mello: CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE.**

**Matt: VIDEO GAMES VIDEO GAMES.**

**Matsuda: ITTY BITTY KITTY COMITEE~**

**Me: Matsuda~**

**Matusda: Night~**

**Matt: Matsuda?**

**Mello: Matt?**

**Me: Matt?**

**Matt: …Mello?**

**Matsuda: MATSUDA.**

**Me: YES, the awkward chain of names has ended~**

**Matt: I HATE it when things get awkward.**

**Me: Oh you're just mad because you have no social skills!**

**Matt: Oh, and **_**you**_** do?**

**Me: no, I never said that.**

**Mello: I have FLAWLESS social skills.**

**Me: ****and a chocolate addiction.**

**Mello: WHAT WAS THAT?**

**Me: NOTHING.**

**Matsuda: Heyyy stop fightinggg.**

**Mello: SHUTUP.**

**Matsuda: YOU MAKE KITTY SCARED.**

**Mello: ...?**

**Me: It appears Matsuda has jumped on the kitty bandwagon.**

**Matt: OHGAWD. NOT ANOTHER ONE.**

**Me: There is NOTHING wrong with a kitty bandwagon!**

**Mello: No, but there is something wrong with people who CREATED the kitty bandwagon.**

**Me: DID YOU JUST INSULT JUSTIN BEIBER?**

**Matt: What did he have to do with Kitties?**

**Me: oh, nothing. BY THE WAY, since the DN anime ends in 2012, did you guys have Justin Beiber?**

**Matt: Yes. Why do you think I got killed? Justin Beiber was playing on the radio, so I got out, got shot, THEN DIED TILL I WAS DEAD.**

**Me: FASCINATING.**

**Matsuda: BABY BABY BABY OHHHH~**

**Me: That sounds like sex. SEX WITH SALENA GOMEZ.**

**Matt: lol, famous people sex. **

**Me: ;3;**

**Mello: My thoughts exactly.**

**L: Famous people have time for sex?**

**Me: Evidently.**

**Near: Sex is a meaning-less pass time.**

**Mello: No, sex brought forth brats like yo- No wait, maybe he is right.**

**Matt: SEX IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER IT'S NEVER A QUESTION CAUSE THE ANSWER'S YES~**

**Me: Nickel back is so weird.**

**Matusda: BUT SEXY.**

**Me: Are you going to stop talking about sex?**

**Matt: It depends, have the kiddies out there had "The talk"?**

**Me: probably not.**

**Matt: ALRIGHT! This is for the kiddies... And the **_**ladies~**_

**Me: No wonder you have so many fangirls.**

**Mello: BUT YOU ARE ONE.**

**Me: Your point?**

**Matt: **_**Night~**_

**Me: Just get on with the talk. xD**

**Matt: Well kiddies, when a Zelda and a Link love each other veryyy much…**

**Me: Your giving a Legend of Zelda related answer?**

**Matt: OF FREAKING COURSE.**

**Me: Good call.**

**Matsuda: USE DINOSUARS. KIDS LOVE DINOSUARS.**

**Mello: Two dinosaurs F*** and then BAM babies~**

**Me: That... was… BEAUTIFUL .3.**

**Mello: Yes, I know.**

**Matt: I DIDN'T GET TO FINISH MINEEE.**

**Me: Ahh~ Go ahead.**

**Matt: Pfft, I can't remember :D**

**Matsuda: I DO THAT A LOT.**

**Me: I can see that.**

**Matsuda: See what?**

**Me: *facepalm* MATSUDA, YOUR GENIUS IS SHOWING.**

**Matsuda: :D **_**Kittens~**_

**Me: Nice going Matt. You rubbed of him.**

**Matt: BUT HE SAID KITTENS.**

**Mello: Exactly.**

**Matt: *Phone rings* Hello?**

**Akane: MATT WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU?**

**Matt: Whut?**

**Akane: I TOLD YOU I WAS NAKED!**

**Matt: …. *hangs up***

**Me: ?**

**Matt: HOLD ME I'M SCARED. *Jumps into Mello's arms***

**Mello: Dude, GTFO.**

**Matt: BUT SHE'S NAKEDD!**

**Me: Aww, you poor thing~**

**Matusda: Why is Matt afraid of naked women?**

**Me: Well dear Matsuda, it all started when..**

**Matt: NOOUU DON'T TELL THE STORY!**

**Me: .**

**Matt and Mello: O3O**

**Me: What? It happened!**

**Matsuda: WHY WASN'T I INVITED!**

**Me: To what?**

**Matsuda: CHEESE CAKE.**

**Me: Uh, right. WELL I believe I've wasted enough of your time~ **

**Matsuda: Please join us next time on DEATH NOTE MADNESS!**

**Mello: Please don't.**

Well, kids. It appears an important line has been cut out of my story, IT'S THE STORY OF WHEN MATT AND MELLO MADE OUT AND THEY DECIDED TO BE GAY.

END OF MY LINE.


	2. Part 2

**Me: Welcome to the madness that is… DEATH NOTE MADNESS *dramatic pause* PART 2.**

**Mello: WHY DO THEY KEEP COMING BACK?**

**Matt: It's because, I'M SEXY.**

**Me: WELLOKAI.**

**Matsuda: Can we get a super fun party box? :D?**

**Me:.. the what?**

**Matsuda: youknow, the…. *** box…. ._.;**

**Me: …?**

**Mello: I think he means the sex box.**

**Matt: OOOHH. So kids call It the super fun party box? ….**_**ladies~ **_

**Me: Mello, have you been talking to Matusda again?**

**Mello: Me? Pff, no.**

**Me: Then who told him about the super fun party box?**

**Matsuda: I heard Misa-Misa and Light talking…**

**Me: Dear god. WHY?**

**Misa: OHAI GAIZ! HAS ANYONE SEEN MAH LOVAR?**

**Me: You mean Kira- I mean Light?**

**Mello: I think I may have killed him…**

**L: No. I believe Light is sleeping with some hobos.**

**Misa: OHGAWD YOU LIE TO ME. WHY DO YOU LIE?**

**L: I don't lie.**

**Me: That's a lie. **

**L:…**

**Matt: OOO BURNNN~**

**Me: oh shut up about the burns!**

**Matt: Why? D:?**

**Me: MY HOUSE BURNT DOWN.**

**Mello: Pssh, THAT'S a lie.**

**Me: Your point?**

**Matsuda: LYING IS WRONG.**

**Ash: PIKACHU, I CHOSE YOOUUUUUUU.**

**Me: Seriously, who the h-e double hockey stick, let ASH IN?**

**Brock: I HIT ON OFFICER JENNY AND SHE TASED MEEEEEEE. AHURRRR~**

**Me: Ohgawd.**

**Mello: Has anyone else realized that Pokemon, IS THE MOST POINTLESS FREAKIN ANIME EVER?**

**Me: Well, the Anime sucks flaming duck butt, BUT I LOVE THE GAMESSS. xD**

**Mello: Srsly?**

**Matt: OHNOWAY SO DO IIIIIII~**

**Mello: I am surrounded by id-**

**Matsuda: GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL POKEMON!**

**Mello: -iots**

**Near: What is this "Pokemon" they speak of?**

**Matt: WELL, It's a game where you catch and potentially abuse small Asian pocket monsters~**

**Me: SEXY, RIGHT?**

**Near:… That's why I play with toys.**

**Mello: SEXTOYS HURRR**

**Me: HNNNNGGGG STOP PICKING ON NEARRR.**

**Mello: Why? HE MAKES IT SO EASY.**

**Me: HE'S FREAKING ADORABLE.**

**Matt: AHA~ OWNED.**

**Me: Matt, can I ask you a serious question?**

**Matt: WHY THE HAIL NAWT.**

**Me: Well, when Mello asked you to die for him, WHY DID YOU SAY YES?**

**Matt: Well, it was the WAY he asked.**

**Me: How did he ask?**

**Matt: Mello? Care to tell mah wifeh?**

**Mello: "Matt, I need you to shoot a smoke bomb at Takada's body guards, so I can kidnap her. Oh, you're probably gonna die. You in?" And Matt responded with-**

**Matt: "Is there anything in it for me?"**

**Me: Go on.**

**Mello: And I said, "OHSURE. If you come back, I'll buy you a new DS game of your choice."**

**Me: You never got the game, did you?**

**Matt: GEE I DUNNO.**

**L: I think that is a very sarcastic "no".**

**Matt: Thank you Captain Obvious!**

**Me: YOUR WELCOME SERGEANT SARCASM.**

**Matsuda: Wait… I thought Night was Sergeant Sarcasm…?**

**Me: Oh yeah, I am! :P**

**Matt: So, does that make me Captain Obvious?**

**Me: No, that is L.**

**Matt: Then..?**

**Me: Pff, I have no idea.**

**Mello: Well, that was eventful.**

**Me: TELL ME ABOUT IT.**

**Matsuda: KLCHSFHSOIHOIHSD**

**Me: Wait.. something isn't right…**

**Matt: You mean aside from the fact the Matsuda just shouted, "KLCHSFHSOIHOIHSD"?**

**Me: Yes.**

**Matt: Then.. what?**

**Me: What ever happened to those two smecks from Pokemon? **

**Matt: Pff, I think they went chasing after Akane.**

***meanwhile, in some OTHER writing void***

**Akane: LALALALALALALALALA. HEY GENESIS!**

**Genisisthewolf: OHGAWD WHAT?**

**Akane: Are you one of Night's friends?**

**Genisisthewolf: Yes, no SHUT UP.**

**Akane: WHY AM I HERE?**

**Genisisthewolf: I. AM. BABY. SITTING. YOU.**

**Akane: OHOKAI.**

***Ash magically springs from the floor, with Brock strapped to his back.***

**Ash and Brock: HAY THAR SEXY.**

**Akane: OHGAWD. RANDOM ASIAN'S FROM MY FLOOR.**

**Genisisthewolf: But it's MY floor! D:**

***Back to MY writing void~***

**Me: Uh, Matt?**

**Matt: Yes?**

**Me: Are you not going to, gee idunno, GET your girlfriend?**

**Matt: Why would I do that?**

**Me: GEEIDUNNO.**

**Mello: Seriously, why would he do that?**

**Me: You guys are dorks.**

**Matt: But we're YOUR dorks~**

**Me: True, sadly true.**

**Mello: Could this get ANY worse? Huh?**

**Me: You know, when you say that, it makes me want to write something… DEVIOUS.**

**Matusda: Devious? :D?**

**Matt: THAT'S A BIG WORD.**

**Me:… no.** ** is a big word. SHUTUP.**

**Matt and Matsuda: MIND BLOWN.**

**Mello: What in the name of everything holy does THAT mean?**

**Me: It is the fear of long words.**

**Mello: …Really?**

**Me: I kid you not. They made a LONG word,**

**Mello.. be the name for the FEAR of long words?**

**Matt: That makes about as much sense as Matsuda in a bikini.**

**Matsuda: DID SOMEONE SAY BIKINI?**

**Me: OHGAWD. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES.**

**L: Please join us again, when Matsuda is properly clothed.**

**Matsuda: I'M BRINGING SEXY BACK!**

**Me: YEAH?**

Part of my line got cut off again. -_-

I BLAME MELLO.

I AM SUPPOSED TO BE SAYING.

Hippopotomonstrose

squippedaliophobia

is a big word. SHUTUP.


End file.
